What is Love?

People say the word "love" all the time. Some people mean it. Others are just used to saying it or still might love an addiction more. Lots say it out of a sense of duty.

When it comes to loving someone out of duty, I have discovered that translates to loving the parts that you are "comfortable" with. If you don't acknowledge what's uncomfortable then it's never there, right?

The same goes with the types of questions that's are asked. If you don't ask a question that you don't really want to know the answer of, then that problem (or opinion, event, decision) doesn't exist/didn't happen, right?

The limited conversation is doubly awful because then all that happen is small talk and that is one of my smallest talents. Plus, everyone knows what we aren't talking about anyway.

It's exhausting and unfair to yourself when you have to work to limit who you are - even if you are doing it on autopilot.

This was something that took me a really long time to come to terms with. Having the people around me, only love certain parts of me, made me question everything. It also began to make me question other people which started to breakdown important relationships in my life.

It's hard to come to terms with because when someone ignores a part of you, or gaslights you, they are ignoring a part of your identity. It makes you question who you are and what you believe in. Especially when it's people you want to be proud of you and tell you that they love you the entire time. You even know they mean it when they say it.

I am proud of who I am as a person. If you ask my about my beliefs, I will happily tell you what they are and how I got them. I'd ask the same about you. It's an important part of really connecting as humans.

You can't really love all of someone without acknowledging every part of who they are as a person. I mean, technically you can, but I don't think that it's going to be healthy. Everyone deserves to be seen, healthy, and loved for who they are.

This concept also applies to self-love. You have to love yourself as a person before you are really ready to love anyone else. You have to be willing to confront and face all parts of you, because both we, and the communities we interact with, deserve that.

Agape love is the kind of love that we all strive to find, in others and in ourselves.

Agape love is also the kind of love that you try to present out of wanting to be perceived as the better person. If everything looks okay, then it is okay, right? Hell no. There is no comfort in silence and the love we deserve doesn't have room for uncomfortable.

Agape love is also loving yourself and believing that you deserve to put yourself first. People make choices and choices have consequences. Just as we are responsible for our choices, we are responsible for the fall out of them.

People rely on history, memories, and love as a reason to stay in whatever relationship when there is anger/pain/harm. Then guilt and shame join in and it's a vicious cycle.

No matter what happened in the past, your current mental health is what is most important.

You have to love yourself with that agape love so that you have the ability to love the people around you with intentionality. It's important work that has to be done.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 said it best:

"Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonour others,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

and always perseveres.

Love never fails."

I have amazing people in my life who are resounding examples of the love in that verse. Nobody is perfect, but their ability to correct and let people grow around them has changed my life. It showed me that by ignoring parts of me that makes people uncomfortable, it is something that I allow to happen to myself. They also gave me the wisdom and strength to change it.

You don't protect anyone by hiding parts of you. Personally, I believe that it's a form of self-harm.

We all deserve to be healed, healthy, and whole. Loving ourselves, and the people around us everyday, and ending the toxic cycles in our lives.

Authentic love is the best love. It's also a beautiful journey.

I wish you luck.