What is Coming Out?

I never formally had a big coming out when I fully acknowledged that I was bi-sexual.

My coming out was slow. I came out to everyone, who I considered safe to tell, starting over five years ago. It's sad to say, but for awhile only like three people knew. At this point it is pretty common knowledge of my life and it feels damn good.

Really though, why are the intimate details of my life anyone's business?

It's not that I am not proud of it, but I just knew that it would change so many important relationships and choices in my life and, unfortunately, make then harder. Which is wild to me, but I had already seen it firsthand.

I will never forget when my parents told me that an extended family member was gay - we were sitting in some diner in small town Iowa. It wasn't a surprise to me that he was gay, I mean we had been meeting and heard about his "friend" for years. The dots were easy to connect - but we just didn't talk about it. What surprised me was how upset someone else's sexuality, who is family that is loved, impacted their view of him. To me, that was always the part of the talk that stuck out the most.

Growing up it wasn't just my parents and extended family that taught me this, it was also apparent in messaging from churches I attended, schools I was enrolled at, and even a summer camp that I worked at. The summer camp, an ELCA Lutheran Church affiliate, fired a program director, before one of the summers had even started, who had written something that was pro-LGTBQ after seeing a Macklemore Concert where "One Love" was preformed. The formal reason was "the board didn't agree with the values presented". What a sad excuse.

I don't think anyone's sexuality needs to be broadcasted, unless they it want to be. I will admit me not sharing was me being scared. Scared of my family's reactions and how they would view me. Scared of how my legal rights were going to change. Scared of how this could impact my future of employment and finances.

Based on the religion I was raised in, we were always told that anyone that didn't consider themselves as strictly heterosexual was going to hell. This isn't an old assumption or unique to the Christianity - we see the same intolerance taught in religions practiced around the world.

We see it in the United States today as politicians use this age-old fear to inspire hate for everyone who is different, force conformity through laws and policies (often rooted in Christian Nationalism), and continue to make money and deals at the expense of people's lives.

It's not like the fear of legal retaliation isn't valid. Only two days ago Iowa introduced legislature to ban same-sex marriage in the state. This is only eight years after it was legalized Nationally by the Supreme Court in the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges decision. We can talk the details about whether or not it's enforceable - but do they matter?

This is just another example of people getting involved in things that's aren't their business - because they are aspects of someone's life. Important people in your life say that they support and love you, but does their vote? Does the way that they talk about groups that you identify with? Anytime that you vote or speak out against someone's rights, then you do not support basic qualities of their life. Qualities that you take for granted, just because you are uncomfortable.

My big question is why is my sexuality important to you? Why do certain people or groups let it define the way that they treat the people around them?

If you say you follow Christianity (or any religion rooted in love), then it really shouldn't matter.

I know that God loves the daughter he made - exactly how he made me.

We all deserve to be accepted and proud of who we are. I have learned that people are going to make assumptions and hold opinions against you no matter what. So, you might as well embrace who you are and enjoy the ride.